Musing with Tamar Ben-Hur

Tamar Ben-Hur is a couples therapist, author and speaker working in the Northern Rivers of NSW. Tamar empowers couples to redefine their relationship in a way that supports their personal growth and wellbeing. Tamar is aware of every relationship's unique complexity and how important it is to tend it with the utmost care and respect to personal boundaries and needs. Tamar believes that couples can become self-actualised individuals whilst remain in a long-term, healthy and intimate relationship with one another. She is passionate about supporting couples to re-discover their connection as a source of energy that nourishes and heals them and their family as a whole.

What does it mean to be a woman in the world today?

Being a woman in the world today means, first of all, healing the wounds of our past. After doing that, we can move into a place of reclaiming our power. There is an urgency for women today to move from reclaiming power into a leadership position. That can happen for women in any arena. It can be in our relationships, in our families, in our communities, and sometimes on a bigger scale. I believe for women today, we need to tap into our personal experience, our personal journey and see what we learned from it to see where we grew. And from that place, we can help other people to do the same.

What role do healthy relationships play in a woman's empowerment?

Healthy relationships are crucial. Unhealthy relationships can be depleting, can be extremely toxic, make you feel very insecure and unsafe. They require a lot of energy and life force that otherwise could be directed to other places in your life. A healthy relationship would not create harm or depletion but would be a resource for a woman to step out in the world in an empowered way.

What issues do women need to become aware of when looking for a relationship with a partner?

I think what we need to be aware of is, first, what we don't want. Many women have never been encouraged to figure out where their yes begins and where their no ends. So the first thing is knowing what you don't want. But after that, I think what we need to move in as women are learning how to receive. I feel that for many of us, we know how to give. We are extremely professional in giving, and we also know how to take, but not necessarily how to receive. For women to land in that place where they are open enough and safe enough to receive truly, that is where we connect to our power as women. When we are not reactive, but rather we are receptive. So it is a combination of having your boundaries and being open enough to take in.

How can women redefine their outdated thought patterns concerning sex, power and love?

I think the best way is through communication with other women through the sisterhood. As women, we heal, we rise, we empower, we change together. If we are isolated and disconnected from the information and the transmission from another woman, it can actually overcome her patterns. If we are isolated from that information, which is often on a bodily level, not only intellectually, then we can't do it ourselves. We can't do it alone. I believe the answer is in doing it together as women.

What do you believe is needed to have a fulfilled and happy relationship?

I guess it's the combination of having healthy boundaries that are intact, but not having your heart closed. So really, looking for that place where your boundaries are really clear, but your heart is completely open where you are operating from a place of compassion.

If you could share one practice that can empower and inspire our Muse community, what would it be?

I think it would be to hone down into your morning routine, your morning practice. What is the first thing that you do when you open your eyes? Do you put your hands on your heart and start the day by checking in with yourself? How are you feeling? How's your heart feeling. Then, you can move into gratitude. You step out of bed; what is the first thing you do? How do you tend to your own needs? Do you have a practice? Are you reading words of inspiration that are connecting you to a higher source? Are you able to move your body, take a deep breath? Whatever you need. As women, we are in different stages. We have different needs, and we have a different relationship with time. Obviously, if we are breastfeeding, our morning routine can't be as rigid as when we're in a stage where our kids left home and are already in their twenties. But I think just being mindful of how you start the day and using that as a continuous practice.

Follow Tamar for more musing at tamarbenhur.com and @tamarbenhur